The Spa: Space & Sexuality

The first time I saw two men walking and holding hands in Mumbai, I dismissed it as ordinary homosexual P.D.A. (public display of affection). Growing up in North Jersey, 8 miles from one of the world’s most sexually liberal neighborhoods, I am no stranger to the lgbtq community. In fact, two members of that community occupy my home and essentially raised me: my mom and her partner (love you ma and Aunt Carolyn!). Despite my window into the world of homosexuality, I was locked in the living room of homophobia. Unfortunately, the homosexuality of my adolescent experience could not erase the heternormativity of American culture.

Seemed like every other day someone would mention Jacaranda. I passed it every morning on my way to teach at Stanes Secondary School. Paying it little attention, I assumed it was like every other Spa I’ve experienced—an environment of exorbitant prices and elitist personalities. A poor student activist's worst nightmare! It wasn’t until my last week in Coonoor that I began entertaining the idea of a full body massage. After all, I had been working hard: teaching, preaching, reading, writing, meeting, organizing, etc. Before I knew it, I was laying prostrate, waiting for Jai to begin the session.

Homosexuality and homophobia are at war on the battlefield of American politics, religion, and social life. Homophobia has historically kicked ass! But relatively recently, the lgbtq community and gay rights activists have retaliated with more than mere speech and sympathy, sparking a national conversation re: sexual discrimination, human rights, and marriage law in the ‘queer’ context. 

India, the second most populated country in the world, is not your ideal location for social space. In metropolitan cities like Mumbai, Delhi, and Chennai, people are everywhere: beside, behind, in front, and on top of you! There’s no getting around it, literally. The very idea of ‘personal’ space (at least in the American sense) is at best, negligible, and at worst, nonexistent. So-called personal space in the American context is considered public space in many Indian cultures. Due to the large population, interpersonal proximity is unavoidable. Men are close, physically. Some men walk shoulder to shoulder with their arms draped around each other’s necks; some hold hands. While in many American spaces two men holding hands is considered a sign of homosexual romance, in much of India it is…well, not a sign at all but simply a social norm. 

Ooty, Tamil Nadu

Is the relationship between American individualism and rampant homophobia coincidence or consequential?  I mean, is it possible that space and sexuality tango to the tunes of social norms and social 'nooo-ways'? 

The most I’ve ever let another man touch my body is during my annual visit to the doctor for a check-up (every health-care privileged male knows the semi-awkward ‘balls procedure’). Despite my exposure to the homosexual lifestyle, never in a million years would I hold another man’s hand in public, let alone allow one to fiercely rub my body with sensual oils in a dimly lit room. Well, my million years was up! and my body lying down in preparation for my first male-to-male massage. (Jacaranda only provides same-sex massages)…

As a Youth Pastor and theological student, I encounter the spirit of homophobia first hand, in various social spaces, including churches and Christian circles. Sadly, many Pastors and Christian 'leaders' hide their prejudice behind the ‘power’ of the pulpit and bolster their bigotry with biblical claims. Some say all gays are going to hell. Others, slightly less forward yet equally exclusive, admit that Christians are obligated to love the lgbtq community but won’t recognize them as fully Christian, or Christian at all. Hardly any offer gays leadership roles (but will unhesitatingly take their money). And even fewer promote marriage equality, a fundamental human right. The Church, as a whole, refuses to share (spiritual) space with people of a different sexual orientation. Exclusivist claims and bigoted biblical ‘scholarship’ have locked many gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered outside the doors of the Church, which claims to be open for all.

Similarly, many politicians perpetuate anti-gay hysteria and homophobia. Notice how certain politicians conveniently reference their ‘faith’ and biblical beliefs when discussing gay marriage. However, why don't many of these same politicians and national 'leaders' refer to their ‘faith’ concerning foreign policy or the economy? The message is clear: it’s not okay for gays to marry but it’s perfectly fine to kill innocent Afghani civilians and spend over 2 trillion dollars on the so-called war on terror while countless men, women, and children suffer from homelessness and hunger.

And the tango continues…

My male-to-male massage was both sensual and symbolic. It symbolized the disruption of my need for 'heterosexual space' and destroyed my misguided idea of masculinity. For 60 minutes, I shared intimate space with another man. I went to Jacaranda to get a massage and ending up receiving a message: sharing social space influences human sexuality.

Afterword

It would be disingenuous for me to critique systems and power without considering how my own prejudices participate in and perpetuate unjust 'isms'. As I recognize my heterosexual privilege, I ask forgiveness for my injuries to the lgbtq community. And as I ask forgiveness, I simultaneously began the process of repentance from dehumanizing homophobic ideologies. A few sentences cannot heal the scars I’ve caused. Words won't fix the spirits I may have left broken with insensitive rhetoric. May you forgive me as I struggle to repent with my life, not just my lips.